As an independent woman I put on a brave face. However, the minute he walks out the door for his flight, I feel the weight of the world on my small shoulders. It is an overwhelming sense of responsibility to have to be the mom, wife, dad and husband. I don’t think he realizes how hard and lonely this life has been on me. When I married my handsome pilot 30 years ago, “I signed-up,” not really knowing what I was getting myself into. The older I become it has become harder to keep up the pace that I used to.
When he is gone…he is gone. There is no way to call him home from his office; it is 30,000 feet in the air, cruising at Mach 0.8. and when he lands he is on the other side of the world. So, the buck stops with me and I am on my own to make many decisions.
This blizzard was a breeze compared to other snowstorms.
- I went to the grocery store.
- Filled the gas cans.
- I positioned our vehicles like puzzle pieces in the driveway, in preparation for the snowplow.
- My husband set-up the generator before he left, Thank God, we didn’t loose power.
Yes, this storm was easier then most.
I remember when the kids were little we had no generator and no power. I would huddled around the fire with 7 little kids and read them books by candlelight. How did I do it….Only God knows? The airline life doesn’t support wives. No one calls no one cares. When my husband was in the military there was a saying, “If the military wanted you to have a wife they would have issued you one.” Even with that attitude there was more support and a sense of community, then I have now. In the military the other wives and squadron checked-up on you.
During this storm I was grateful, to have the company of 5 of our 7 children. Last night as the kids and I gathered around the table we ate homemade chili and their faces shone brighter then any Las Vegas neon signs. This storm and this time I felt thankful and grateful that he had a job that provides for us. Even though he had the warmth and sunshine, he was alone and had no one to share it with.
My jealousy turned to gratefulness.